Friday night dear was online for about 5 min. Then told mi he nid to go out ler and will b back later in about half an hour. I was happi even for that 5 min..knowing dear had missed mi..So waited for dear..he din come online until 11.50pm..Chat 5 min onli and dear said he was very tired and wans to slp ler. He hadn't been slping well for weeks. But these few short moments are enuf to let mi sleep sweet.

Yesterdae was juz a terrible dae. Woke up and tried to read through my notes in the late morning. Afternoon about 2+pm dear came online. At first we were chatting happily until he had to put that msn title.

the sequences of his msn titles yesterdae:


Suddenly everyting changed..he started to ignore mi..even asking zhu to pass mi messages? when it's like i din do aniting wrong? I was affected by his mood. din wan to do aniting..seeing him in such a state..treating mi so coldly..my heart juz pains..indescribable heartache. Din talk since then. For hours. except for occassional short cold replies from him. Haiz. One word reply? F3 Emotion reply? Oo reply? Sianz. Juz started gorging myself with food to fa xie. Duno wad had gone into mi..juz wana eat n eat n eat even though my stomach is screaming for mi to stop..Imagine 2 baos for breakfast, porridge for lunch, icecream, maggie mee, cheese rings, a few marshmallows, milo, dinner..thats wad i had for the whole dae. =\ juz felt like vomitting after that.

I was juz feeling so down, down and down. Then finalli at about 2+am dear seemed better abit. Told mi he was pek chek wif work. I was happi. At least I noe not cuz of mi ler. But oso sian to c him in such a lousy mood. After that bo reali talk again..he was busy busy n busy n pek chek n pek chek n pek chek! At about 5.30am I told dear I wana off the lappy ler..then he jiu "bb" and he off9-ed ler. Haiz..And he said today he wun online cuz he has no motivation to online? Sianz..I guess I am not enuf to motivate him..

Mood is reali lousy. Haiz..Wo miss ta. Wo xi wang ta kai xin..I oso miss Qing mei...

This blog is reali dead. Wif onli zhu and dear's access to this blog. At least now I can feel free to blog all my feelings down.......I juz feel so weak and down.......