There's noting happi to blog about at all..

So here's another sad n pek chek entry..1st, my grandfather fell down last wk, hurting his leg...yest was not a good day either, and today, my father was admitted to hospital. A chain of bad stuff..wads more to come?

Dear wasn't online yesterday as he said he wasn't going to. Well, today...



yea..he onlined. Juz love it when I see a different colour msn window pop up, cuz that would be dear online. His was the onli special different colour. He told mi he had to slp earlier today, about 10.30pm? But he was online onli about half an hour and he gtg offline? During this half hour, his response was slow too. Guess he was busy doing some stuff, though he said he was free earlier on. Haiz..there goes my look forward chat wif dear for today..a chat that lasted juz 30 min.



Was actually giving myself hope that today I would be able to talk to dear cuz of these words he had said to mi 2 days ago. He did mention before that he noe he cant dun online for too long. So these r words of comfort, words to make myself tink positively..words that get mi through the day.

Should I tink positively like wad I alwiz tell myself? "Hey, at least he onlined yea? At least he came online to see how u r doing. At least better than noting yea? And u oso noe he's a bz guy..so U should be contented ok?"

Usually, I will be smiling ba. Smiling cuz dear onlined. Smiling cuz he's juz like a miracle medicine or as den puts it, a handyplast? But still, y is it so hard for mi to smile today? Am I starting to become more n more selfish? Expect more n more? Have I changed? Today all that comes to my mind is, "Can't dear juz spend a little more time wif mi?" "Can't you juz wait for my response before offline?"

Am I that difficult to please? I thought I oredi expected very little, or am I getting greedier? I juz cant find aniting for mi to smile about. I feel so alone..I wonder if I dun online..will dear look for mi? send mi an sms? Will dear miz mi? Is the onli wae I can contact him through online? msn? Everytime I feel down, I juz feel so alone. Dun wana dampen others' moods wif my moods. All I can do is smile, act like it din bother mi when actually deep down inside, it bothers mi alot..

No one will understand this kind of feeling..all alone in the darkness..juz mi n my shadow..